Describing how my husband helped himself to sex with me while I laid crying in the fetal position on a hotel bed the night before my sisters funeral was nothing short That Christmas the deacon had been caught taking time off that he claimed was church related and he was made to keep his job signing a agreement to work the holidays then before them his father the man that was going to substitute as a committeeman and his foreman a man that felt the contract did not have to be followed by him since he worked for a different company. The endless loop of bargaining leads one down a rabbit hole of regret and blame, she notes. Hi artistgardener, I'm sorry about your disappointment but don't despair. Two years latter thinking he was going to hear our marriage was dissolved, that he was out from under the court and able to finally take a day off, He stood in the court when threatened with contempt and told everyone there he had nothing but contempt for the lot of us and walked out saying go ahead jail him he would like the rest. Im sure she is miserable now but guess what?. Pure enjoyment and entertainment are a waste of time for them. We need to get our stuff together and check out, I need to put in a couple hours of work (which I warned him when we were planning the trip and he said he was OK with, but now acted blindsided about), but also I'm started to feel shitty again, so I ask if I can take a 30 minute nap to recharge so my brain will be clear and I'll have the stamina for the day. Sometimes the opposite of #4 will happen when it comes to gifts. I feel devastated. In 2012 we took him a plate from the dinners just like we had tried when he was working, And in the conversation about his rights on the second of January 2012, He slammed a bed pan off his fathers face, and threw a stainless steel urine bottle at me yelling he was not going to be treated as the second class person we had made him any longer. They may combine all or more of the items on this list to hold this over your head. This sounds like sour grapes to me. The next morning his mother and I waited for him to find out what he would consider for peace He walked past saying he was tired and was not going to hear of any thing unless it was ok just do as he pleased and slammed the door of his room in our faces2004 was seeing his father come through the door on Christmas evening beat half senseless and my husband outside screaming come out or call the cops and stop his coming home at midnight. Do you have any friends that you could talk to that may share your enthusiasm? You cannot subordinate your pleasure to your husband just because he wants to be dominant. You deserve a break. All he had to do was select from the list we provided and he would get his holidays and vacation starting then, In 1999 he had not had a day off since November 1981. and he had been in several fights with younger employees just trying to get him to at least try our suggestion that he-stay home from the millennials Use his 25 year seniority time of two months and start taking time off after starting on the 8th. My husband just told me he hates me, he doesn't care about my feelings because My mother does not want me happy and tries to ruin my relationships, Husband says he cannot have a happy life with me. Morning comes around 7am and the kids wake up. !Oy Vey!! Just moments of unnecessary crankiness and complaining. I realized that people who are otherwise wonderful do this, and accidentally ruin their relationships with people who want to love them, but eventually stop subjecting themselves to that persons invalidating bullshit. He was definitely angry that I didn't want to do it. Hi, this is going to sound trivial, I suppose. At Christmas my husband had a shotgun pointed at him and forced into another holiday to work. Its like dealing with a spoiled child, your husband can make a big drama over little things, but it shouldnt excite you. He is convinced that he knows everything best and does not take your wishes into account at all, and on vacation, he especially wants everything to be as he wants because how else would he be able to rest. So sorry that your enthusiasm has been punctured by your husband. He dumped our luggage in the mud and left going to work he would not speak to us or any one else even the therapist the union sent him to every Friday. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Holidays, however, provide the perfect cover to get a surprise hoover. His mother sister and I decided besides the 1300 Euro clock we bought for his Christmas birthday gift we had better have a vacation he would like already in the works. Every single special occasion *I* ruined. He would have been on his way an hour latter if his father did not use his friendship with a judge to get my husband ordered into work overriding the union contract. This leaves you to make all of the explanations to everyone. Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful, you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself. Or they may give you nothing at all. In the devaluation stage, they will act as if they were not gifts at all. Why don't I go to a coffeeshop and do my work now while he checks out and then we'll leave. I agree with Windy. Sorry for going on so long but I am so upset at yet more ruined holidays that I stopped eating, again! Together. They would rather be the cause of your unhappiness and misery than not be the center of your attention at all. It sucks a lot of the joy out of the time off I take. You must live your life your way," Tessina says. Happy. Well, whatever the reason, theres surely a way to put an end to it. Because she has good traits as well as badWe are both creative people. Sometimes I get negative or my husband does and if we don't address it, it becomes this. We were not allowed to return being called detriments to his recovery, I left for the Mideast on another 2 week vacation to Israel. He gets quite, then mumbles an apology and that I'm right, he has been cranky, then admits that he's cut way back on the amount of caffeine he consumes over the past few days which is making him irritable but he didn't want to tell me because he "knows how I feel about it" (I've been telling him that following his ADD medication with three cups of coffee and at least two large energy drinks every day is probably the reason he's always feeling shitty). WebMy husband is a prima Donna and ruins every vacation . Its not just the holiday seasonthey also have a tendency to ruin other special days, such as anniversaries, birthdays, and Valentines Day,as well as vacations. Last but not least, avoid letting toxic people, places, or things disrupt your time spent together. He screamed for crying out loud he had two months he could take off in the two months following the holidays, why did he have to hammer the least seniority to work instead of himself They did not have as much time as he did to take off so he could at least shut up and do as the community wanted, She bounced a heavy glass ashtray off his head yelling he did not owe the community a stinking thing. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. Just have to say - I can totally see my husband doing/saying all of these things when he's in his bad mood. Husband resists, says he's not really hungry, asks the 4yo if he's hungry (who says no even though in the car he was complaining about being hungry), argues mildly with me about it before finally agreeing to have lunch. As I was at work my husband cleaned the house spotless it looked amazing. We were getting back the morning of his birthday. All while he's sitting and panting and whining about how incredibly difficult it was. His mother had nearly killed his father with a heavy glass ashtray about getting his good old boys to just jail my husband Telling her he did not care when his last day off was or what the stinking contract said he could have off. The worst part? His diagnosis was my husband suffered from intense mental and physical exhaustion as well as something else with the headaches he was having his father yelled at us pump Tylenol and sinutab into him until July 31st 2001 when a coworker threw a half inch hex key bouncing it off a machine and hitting my husband in the head. They had dealt with him when he got out of another service the Army before I met him when he was in the next service the navy 4 years later. Narcissists try to ruin the holiday season by holding our desire for joy and harmony over our heads so that they can get their way. There are many ways for your husband to ruin your vacation. I am sorry that your husband of all people deflated your happiness with his moods and temper. Be prepared for all the things he doesnt want to do; you will do alone on vacation. He should believe that and be happy for you. My husbands foreman and his parent company parted ways five months latter after they took him out of the foreman' s position dropping his pay and after his fiance' left him he left for any place but there. I was spoiled growing up in that my parents were right out of a "movie set". She hade a very active social calendar that would be ruined if she was placed on second shift she was the youngest of the two women seated at the table when to get him to withdraw his shift preference, I told him for two years he had to start being agreeable to the requests of society, and then we could start our life as a married couple. Understanding this enables one to have compassion for their ex-spouse. Compassion is important. That night I can't sleep because I'm so congested, plus I generally don't sleep well in hotels anyway. I just stood there crying was that really what he thought of us for keeping him without a day off all those years. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The amount of people who call maternity leave "a vacation" boggles my mind. The boys, who are sitting in basket seats on the front, are having a blast. Webport authority to monticello bus / thanksgiving at the abbey resort / my husband found out i cheated on him. My husband is extremely spoiled at his job. Ignore the following text - it's meant for search Things that I would do and could do for myself to bring back those nice memories and good feelings of the holidays. We had to ask the Union Chaplain to get us into the plant to talk to my husband the next morning at 230 AM He told us the younger newly wed had been fired since our June return for taking the vacation that was authorized to my husband for three months, He was not forgiving any one I was crying when he came in the break area and he just threw the house keys at me told me not to say a thing he could care less. SHIT. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. I swear they do everything you just described. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. They may treat them as favors to avoid paying for things for which they are responsible. Heading to the car, I remind him that I want to stop and get coffee and he makes a snotty comment in that "aggressive tone that has enough of a laugh in it that I can claim I was 'just joking'" voice. Everyone described what happened next as seeing my husband flash across the isle and grab the man by the throat holding him off the floor with one hand as his pretty foreman went and begged him to put the man down he was going to get time off for his unsafe action. Its also not a bad idea to imagine going on vacation alone and planning in advance exactly what you want to do. Anyone who has ever joined us, our mothers included, have refused to ever join us on a vacation again. Exchange days for who is organizing what if one person wants the spontaneous experience of finding yourself on a boat with a psychotic billionaire, and the other person likes to purchase all packaged tours imaginable. Last night was my birthday. The more I tell these stories, the more horrified I am at my obliviousness through the years, and my blindness to what asshole moves these types of beliefs and behaviors are. WHY. Of course, now he changes his tune and starts insisting that I take a nap. The next morning his mother and I met him to ask what would it take to stop the pain he was causing and he said stop telling him he had no rights like his father kept saying he had no right to over needs, He said that his father. His steward told us he had worked his last holiday. I was in orange and white strips in the county jail until labor day. One of the healthiest strategies for dealing with family drama during the holidays is to protect your actual holiday if you can, says Campbell. Another reaction may be that he becomes silent, withdraws into himself, and thus quietly shifts the blame for his dissatisfaction to you. Even if they seem heart-felt in the moment, you are likely to pay in some way for those gifts later. Every holiday, every birthday was an event, a memorable one. The "Happy Holidays" season has just begun, make it the best you can. You can be sure of one thing your relationship needs a severe review. Just say what's going on. Workaholics really do feel like the world will come crashing down if they dont perform to the best of their ability. When we returned he had the suburban packed on the 13th and was not waiting for the suggested time of starting a vacation on the 4th of January 1988 use his month and a half time off as both his holiday time and vacation and go to a island resort in the Caymans, Bahamas or even Rio or Trinidad since by that time he had 29000 plus the 4000 he got for not going to Rome for the gift he received from the corporation. Holidays sometimes can bring up a lot of tension . Feel free to pm me. I guess people who have to commute to their 9 to 5 jobs are just living in hell, right? It is the time when happy couples renew their relationship, deepen their closeness and make beautiful memories. They said he couldnt pay them enough to put up with his bullshit. Your email address will not be published. Of course, there is always a solution. No big deal. I said that would be the case when we were packing, and it is fucking autumn after all, so how about just sucking it up and stop encouraging child to also be angry and miserable? I am sorry for your husband deflating your enthusiasm. Husband keeps ruining the holidays for me. Just to add: You sound like a nice person, and deserve a safe place. If so, tune in to Shrink4Men Radio on Monday, November 27, 2011 at 9pm EST when your host, Dr. Tara J. Palmatier of Shrink4Men, will explore the question, why does my wife, girlfriend or ex ruin every damn holiday? Communication is key to a close relationship. I'd been so looking forward to it. Finally I get up (not like I was sleeping anyway), change the baby, get baby dressed, find the 4yo's shoes, get the 4yo dressed, all while husband gets himself dressed and stares at his phone. Thankfully, if I point out to him what a shithead he's being, he can usually change it. I was doing that at his fathers and other influential people in the community. And if he likes the destination when you go there, then you can expect him to want you to always go to the same vacation spot because he hates change. 7. He bitches about how we still have to go get our car from A WHOLE THREE BLOCKS AWAY. This stuff about having his way and the people it hurt was getting to be insanity on his part. Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok? Holiday events give narcissists excuses to stay late at work for holiday parties or spend time with friends outside of regular routines. Holidays with narcissists, however, can take on a whole new significance. You may have gone no-contact with the narcissist in your life. He had worked for the city and was cut back, then ran for city council and went to work in the plant. He dislocated my shoulder and tried to strangle his father to death for canceling our double berth on the Orient Express. Usually we're able to snap the hell out of it pretty quickly though if we get called out. No sex for him and no family either even his youngest brother had died earlier that year of colon cancer had children to carry on for him and he was ten years younger and all I had done was lay with other men and not him so take my guardianship and stuff it he cared less what we wanted and I could go be the hypocrite in Church and enjoy my respectability in that days show. We are bombarded by advertisements showing happy happy families. So we spent to the new year in each others company. See 1,000 traveler reviews, 150 candid photos, and great deals for Hampton Inn & Suites Hartford/East Hartford, ranked #1 of 6 hotels Remember its good sides, and with enough preparation, patience, and support, you might be able to save your vacation. Good on you, John. So we end up picking a somewhat generic beachside restaurant for sandwiches. Im also better at managing my time so he would get so annoyed if something took him longer than me. He has ruined so many holiday/birthday/special days. He said go ahead start just don't stop he would rather be dead than continue to serve as a slave. FUCK! My husband had warned me to enjoy the show when she opened the folder and several 8x10s fell out showing the deacon going into a motel when he was supposed to be at work with another woman. Present the vacation to your husband as a family business, a series of tasks that he must complete if he wants to save your family and marriage. I've never figured out all the whys and why nots but my husband acts like this a lot. His trainee ad others needed the summer months off. My husband started ruining the holidays as far back as 1985. Thank you for responding. Reminder to commenters: No. Protect your (actual) holiday. Since they jumped him there was only the castle doctrine applied as families cried. It would be kind of you to consider your spouses degree of stress. But I push through. If they believe the holidays are foolish and irrelevant, they dont care that You may divide your vacation planning responsibilities like couples frequently do with anything from chores to date evenings. I thought it was going to be mid February when i went out with my old boyfriend for the night on the 28th of January, The fight that my boyfriend started the next morning was admittedly started as a humiliation of my husband by sweeping his cane and dumped him on the floor of our living room. What is not possible is to change him. You are not the only person who goes through this same feeling of let down in what the holidays and special events of the year should be like. He said I was ungrateful. I was concerned when you said your husband has a temper problem. Y'all. I gave him about a months notice so he could take some time off as well. I had set up the B and B four hours to the north as the hoped for replacement that he was being given by the company adding 2 paid weeks on to the two months he had not used a day of, I found a German sex shop and bought some very sexy things to wear on that two weeks and had the hope after that since he had so much money in the bank and the doubling of the pay he earned since he was hitting everyone over the head with grievances over having to work the holiday. Narcissists are good at playing innocent when they want to. They want to hold the holiday season over our heads so that they can get their way. Until then, I'll just be over here mentally kicking your husband in the nuts. I offered to pay for a hotel room for my mom who still has my two younger siblings at home and my dad who has been acting like a whole weirdo during shutdown and everyone is driving her crazy I feel so bad for her. He was working the inventory on his job at 3 that afternoon when skilled trades could not get him to come to the window to issue a part that was not available in the virtual crib a tradesman climbed trough the issuing window. The best of the best when they travel for work. Sorry, love. He wails that he "isn't going to make it" the last five blocks. I try to ignore his tantrums and mood swings but he is pushing it, I'm actually two minutes away from telling him to shove it. Or we'll leave now and stop in a city on the way after I've dozed in the car and we can spend time together then. Tonight he comes home, complains of a headache and storms off to bed. Talk about it. I knew a mom whos family acted so helpless when she was around that she literally rented a hotel room for a vacation. Holy shit what a whiner. 1. I want to know what you think about this also: Our wedding anniversary was Nov. 4. As I begged I offered the sex life he had wanted before the Millennial I offered to stand with him over the holidays and call the police if his father sand others did any thing to stop him from taking the time off. Maternity leave is HARD WORK. Unfortunately for Bens, theyre being connected to bad behaviour in relationships by mere coincidence and the fact that Benjamin has been a popular baby name every year since 1996 according to the ONS. armed with a cease and desist order against the county from a federal court he planned against the wish's of the good old boys in the county to leave for the millennial celebrations in Germany after 19 years I had hoped for forgiving and understanding but when two deputies showed up to hold him without charges until Christmas morning and get him to work till then out of the jail. His pretty foreman was threatened by the last man that if she sent my husband back home there would be a wildcat that she would be credited as allowing. 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